Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Omake, Part 6.


It's Ladies' Night at the "Et tu, Brute" Karaoke Bar and Grill!

“Oh, Sexy Bartender!” Jime slurred while holding on to the bar.
“Yes?” S.B. half smiled.
“I want… two Slippery Nipples and Multiple Orgasm, Between the Sheets!”
“You got it.”
“I object!” Jack said, but nobody paid him any attention.
“Suri, S.B. half smiled, you gotta drink half a shot.”
“That makes no sense.”
“Do IT.”
“Fine.” Suri squeezed her eyes while drinking, she only half gagged, “It still burns!”
“Atta girl… Sexy Bartender, friend, bud, my man-”
“I really object!” Jack once again tried to make himself relevant.
“-My dear niece will have a Long Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall, if you’d be so kind…”
“It will be my pleasure.”
Toren breathed fire aimed at S.B. my thankfully it was re-directed to the Grill by Suri’s hand, burning the meat to a perfect yummy crisp.
“And the sorry excuses for gentlemen will have… blondie will have the Blue Balls and the baby lizard will have Passed Out Naked On the Bathroom Floor.”
S.B. laughed out loud.
“Hey! He laughed! Shots for everyone!” Jime twirled, she was still holding the machine gun.
People scrambled to the floor while Mousy guy, crouching behind the karaoke set onstage said into the mike, “Someone please take that gun away from her.”
“Why are y’all avoiding me now? It hurts mah feelings.” Jime said.
“You southern now?” Jack asked as he gently took the gun and threw it into the hallway, where it went off, screaming ensued.
“No! I was doing the Beehl voice, don’t you know?”
“Sookeh is Mahn!!” screamed Suri.
“What?” asked Toren.
“You hopeless, boy.”

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Omake, Part 5

It's Ladies' Night at the "Et tu, Brute" Karaoke Bar and Grill!

Jime had too much fun singing up on that stage. Feeling spiteful signed her name on the queue list for karaoke again. A duet with her dear sobrina. Of course she hadn’t told Suri that. She wasn’t stupid. She knew her niece would bark at the thought. It would talk surprise to get her up on that stage. Surprise and lots more alcohol than that one glass she’d been sipping on. A slow grin formed along with a wicked idea of how to get her niece totally wasted. 
“Lets play a game,” she said to Suri when she dropped next to her at the table when another person took the stage.
Wearily, Suri hesitated. “The laughing game.”
“What’s that?”
“Every time I can get Sexy Bartender to flash us with his Colgate smile,” she said it loud enough for him to hear,  “you take a sip of your drink and charm us with a laugh you have to a shot. Every time you can get him to laugh, I drink.” 
“Uh…”
Jime rolled her eyes. “Sometimes I forget that we’re related. You’re so dry and boring.”
“This coming from a person who has technically been ‘dry’ since Jerusalem was seized by the crusaders. Fine. Whatever.”
Sexy Bartender looked over his shoulder at the two with a smile and shook his head. 
“Take your sip,” Suri pointed at the smile.
Jime shrugged and drink that tequila. “And yet I’m still more wet than are.” 
He didn’t turn around, but they heard S.B laugh. Suri frown, Jime pour a shot and handed it to her niece. Mentally counted down from 5 to 1, Suri tossed the shot down her throat, choked, gagged, and died a little. 
Jime patted her back to help clear her lungs. “Slowly. Slowly girl. You’re a noob. Take it a bit at a time. Don’t put it all in your mouth at once.”
S.B laughed again and Suri was forced to take another shot. That didn’t go down smoothly either. Shaking her head like a wet dog, Suri around the bar, already feeling the alcohol take effect. She was such a noob. But a noob with a bag of tricks. “Baahhh!” They sat silent for a moment until she started to laugh to herself.
“What’s funny?” Jime asked. 
“Did I ever tell you about the time one Halloween my professor opened her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. My professor said, "what are you supposed to say sweetheart? "The little girl looks up and says "Twick or Tweat!"
My professor thought that was just too adorable, and she called her husband to come to the door. She said to the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time." Once again the little Angel looked up and said, "Twick or Tweat!"
Her husband agreed the little Angel was just the cutest thing. So she picked an apple from the Treat Bowl, shined it up with her apron, and dropped it into the little girl's Treat Bag.
The little Angel looked in her bag then looks up at my professor and said, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my fucking cookies!"
Over at the bar, S.B laughed loud and long. With a cheeky grin, Suri poured a shot and handed it to her aunt. 
“Okay,” Mousy guy said from the stage, “ the next one is a duet. A family thing. Get ready for our favorite vampire and the little witch.” 
Surprised ripped through Suri, followed by resentment at the little witch part, and disgust at that damn dragon who just blew a kiss her way. “Hey Sexy Bartender. $5 bucks if you take this guy down.”
Mousy flew off stage when another spirit arrow hit him.
Jime turned vamped out eyes at her niece. “I’m starting to like this new angry, drunk you.”
Suri laughed, officially buzzed. “I have a song that’ll make you love me.”
With gleaming eyes, Jime rubbed her hands together, then she and Suri took the stage. The song in mind was more like a tune from a commercial. A car commercial. Suri connected her Iphone to the system and hit the song. Music played for the first minutes and the girls, totally drunk off their asses, danced around the stage laughing until Jime started to sing:
Hey, baby I want that car. 
Hey baby I really want that carrrrr. 
Let’s get that car and go. Wooooooooooooooo. 
WOO! 
Yeah baby, lets get those keys and Gooooo Oh OH Ohhhhhh
WOO!

Suri, still dancing around silly, changed the song. A club banging beat blasted from the speakers making Et Tu Brute: Karaoke Bar and Grill jump off to the music by Lonely Island. 

Ungh, The Greatest Suri, with Jime Vamp! 
The night starts now
Together on the stage, the girls are back
The night starts now
Night starts now they wanna roll with us, boys snapping at the waist when we rollin' up.
Blow through the doors ain't no holdin' up
Black card at the bar like I gives a fuck.
Ladies hating us when we walk into the set, fuck the fellas on the bar play the back and get wet
Three pound in my waist, shank in my sock, you either get cut, get stuffed or get shot. 
THIS IS THE TALE OF DOUCHE BAG JACK JAMMERS, THE DUDE IS SO LAME ON THE SEVEN SEAS
What?
A MYSTICAL QUEST TO THE LAND OF THE LOSERS, PALE LOCKS SWAY ON THE SNOW CAPS
BREEZE.


Suri looked at Jime oddly, but jumped back into the song. 

Yeah that was kinda weird, but we're back in the bar
I kicked the traitors ass so the dragons show no love 

In the corner, despite himself and his need to get revenge against the witch, River laughed. Meanwhile, Jime continued to interrupt the song with lyrics of her own that had nothing to do with anything. 

I BROKE HIS SKII”S
Motherfucking ice-girl, I'm the top gunner
Heater on blast, I'm the number one stunner
JACK SUCKS
Watch it boy I don’t want a "Mr. Nice Guy",
More like the "meet ya take me home and fuck me twice guy"
YEAH YEAH!
All dressed up with nowhere to run,
And now I make you feel crazy with the-
NOW BACK TO THE GOOD PART:
FROM THE DAY HE WAS BORN, HE WAS ALWAYS SO UGLY
Nooo
OLD MAN JACK GIVING THEM WHAT FOR.
HE'S THE JOKER OF THE YEAR
Uh huh
THE BASTARD OF THE LOSERS
Oh God
BUT IN THE TRUNK OF THAT CAR WHAT LIES IN STORE?
Yeah, we've seen the movie

Throw your hands in the air and say hell yeah, come on
JACK JAMMERS
What?
LITTLE DICK
No
From the front to the back say we count stacks come on
STOLE HIS CAR
Nope
HONEY-POO
Wrong
Tia Jime I’m really gonna need you to focus up

ROGER THAT LET ME TRY IT WITH ANOTHER FILM

Wait--

LIFE’S NOT A BOX OF CHOCOLATES AND JACK AIN’T GOT NO NUTS
Not better
THOUGH HE’S THINKS HE’S THE SHARPEST TOOL HE COULDN’T EVEN GET IT UP 
Come on!
OK THEN HE’S A PAIN IN MY ASS, MISOGYNIST IS HIS NAME
Nooo, God
THEN YOU CAN CALL HIM SCARFACE, SNORTIN MOUNTAINS OF COCAINE
Close enough
YOU COCKROACHES WANNA PLAY ROUGH? OKAY, I'M RELOADED



Where that machine gun that was suddenly in Jime’s hands, Suri will never know. And she didn’t even feel bad when Jime shot at Jack, littering the bar with bullet holes. 



THIS IS THE TALE OF THE GREATEST VAMPIRE!
CHILEAN FLAME, WITH THE KEYS TO JACK’S CAR
Take it home!
GONNA CUT OUT HIS TONGUE , IF HE EVER CALLS ME BABY
THIS WHOLE TOWN'S A PUSSY, JUST WAITING TO GET FUCKED!


Suri scratched her head, not sure what to say. “Looks like my aunt really hates you…I think.”
At the bar, S.B clapped.



Omake, Part 4.


It's Ladies' Night at the "Et tu, Brute" Karaoke Bar and Grill!

“Ladies, your beaus approach.” Warned S.B.
“What did I do to deserve this…” Jime hit her head against the bar’s counter.
“Let’s not go down that road.” Suri deadpanned.
“Suri!” Toren’s nose smoked, “Unhex me! I wanna sing you that song!”
“Fuck off, jerk, you and I have nothing to do with each other.”
“How can you say that with such a cold expression on your face?” He tears up, “I only want to be romantic.”
Suri turned to look at him so angry if she was a dragon smoke would have come out of her nose too, “The hell! If you knew anything about me you’d know I HATE that song! It should be banned everywhere! I’m doing the world a favor by thwarting the spread of its disease! STOP THE MADNESS!” She bellowed.
“But, cherry-pie, I had backup and everything… a whole production, I spent tons of treasure to do this…”
“It ain’t my problem the way you waste your treasure, dumbass! And, backup? You call those two hoochies standing next to you backup? Do you think I’m that stupid?”
“They’re backup dancers!”
“I don’t need to see them rubbing their backups all over you to know what’s going on!”
“Are you implying that I- that they-” Toren gasped, “But I could never!”
“What.Ever.” Suri shut him with her palm and turned away.
“Oh, youth, aren’t they precious?” Jack sneered while putting his arm around Jime.
“Don’t touch me.” Jime glared at him.
Jack stopped his arm midair and slowly retreated, “I’ll just hang out here.” He sat next to her.
“They’re checking to see if you really have a partner to serenade, aren’t they?”
“Yes. But baby, you know I’m all about you, always.”
“That is it.” Jime hit the counter with her fist, startling everyone, pushed her chair out and stomped to the stage.
She grabbed the mike while a new song started, “Sorry to fans, I’m going to change the lyrics a little”.

“Don’t Call Me Baby” by Madison Avenue.

You and me, haven’t  the opportunity
And we could never make it something good
But you, you think I'm not that kind of girl
I'm here to tell ya baby I know how to rock your world

Don't think that I'm not strong
I'm the one to take you on
Don't underestimate me boy
I'll make you sorry you were born
You don't know me
The way you really should
You sure misunderstood
Don't call me baby

You got some nerve and  baby that'll never do
You know I don't belong to you
It's time you knew I'm not your baby
I belong to me
So don't call me baby…

The song continues and people start dancing happily while Jack looks miserable at his free drink.
“Ha! That’s what you get, face it, you’re doomed.” Suri sneered.
“What is this? Man-hating Night at the “Et tu, Brute” Karaoke Bar and Grill?”
“It’s Ladies’ Night, we do whatever we want.”
“I thought that just meant the chicks got free drinks only.” Toren commented.
“You hopeless, boy.” Suri grabbed her drink and went to sit at a table near the stage.

Omake, Part 3

Conversations with Geniuses.

Me: *Chomps on a bowl of cereal. Stares at open SC 21 document*
Toren: You’ve been staring at the screen from 3 days now.
Me: *continues to chomp away*
Toren: Just type something already.
Me: *sits bowl of cereal to the side. Cracks knuckles and types* Trailing soft kisses down her neck, along her collar, and further below, Jack slipped one hand between Suri’s legs.
Toren: *fire shoots out his ears* NOT THAT!
Me: *Looks up from screen* You said write something. I wrote something.
Toren: I’ll kill all of you if you finish that.
*Jack pops in* 
Jack: Hey. Keep me out of this. I want nothing to do with you lizard or your child bride. 
Me: *grunts* That’s not what you said before.
Jack: WHAT?
Me: About wanting nothing to do with Toren.
Toren: WHAT? *Glares at Jack and puts a distance between them.*
Me: And that you’d used the vamp to get to the witch to get to the big lizard.
Jack: Woman! I said no such things.
Toren: Touch me and I’ll kill you.
Jack: No one wants to fucking touch you. She’s lying. I don’t even like you. I wished your mate ripped all your scales out.
Toren: Well, tell me how you really feel.
Me: Can I finish eating now? *Goes back to staring blindly at the screen and chomps on her cereal*

Sunday, March 25, 2012

Omake, Part 2

It's Ladies' Night at the "Et tu, Brute" Karaoke Bar and Grill!

Jime tossed her third drink in a row back wishing the burn of the alcohol could just kill her now. A frown wrinkled Suri’s nose. “Someone should tell him that performance was a hot mess,” she sipped the one drink she’d been nursing all night.
“Ha!” Jime pushed the glass away. “Sexy bartender. Hit me.”
“Another one already?” He tossed over his shoulder.
“If you sit the bottle here, I’ll love you for eternity.”
Pulling the bottle from the shelf and sitting it in front of them, he tossed the bar cloth over his shoulder and leaned one hip against the counter. “I had a vampire love me before.”
“Truly?” Suri perked with interest. 
He nodded.
“And how’d that turn out?”
“Bloody.”
“What’s the point of love without blood.” Jime stated. 
Sexy bartender smiled and turned away to tend to the other guess.
“Shame that Jack is willing to draw your blood for his car. Weirdo.”
“Ha! That man has always been stupid, will always be stupid, and from the looks of it is dragging the lizard into his stupidity.” A wicked smile crossed Jime’s lips as Toren stepped onto stage. “I can’t wait.”
Mousy guy grabbed the mic. “Our next singer—“
Suri looked at the sexy bartender. “I’ll give you two grand if you spirit arrow the dragon.”
“—has dedicated this one to,” Mousy turned away to read the name on the slip. “Glinda the Good Witch.”
“Make it 10 grand,” Suri said deadpanned. 
“I’ll revoke my declaration of love if you do nothing,” Jime added her bid in.”
“Deal,” S.B slapped his palm on the counter in front of Jime.
Up on stage, Toren took the mic and turned his back to the crowd of fangirls who would love nothing more than to sex his scales as the music started to play.
Uh huh, listen boy.
My first love story  
“Son of a bitch!” Suri exclaimed. Gee by SNDS. SNSD. Whatever the hell that crappy band name was. Of all freaking songs in the world. 
My angel and my girls
My sunshine
Oh, oh let’s go!
Seated at an odd angle, Suri pointed a finger at the stage just as the first verse started and mumbled “tace.” Toren opened his mouth to sing. Nothing. He opened again. Nothing came out. Bright eyes snapped to her location at the bar. A smug smile formed. 
“No fair!” Jime punched her arm. “Why didn’t you do that when that douche bag was up there singing to his car of all things?”
Suri slipped off the seat. “Because~,” she sat back down glaring at her aunt. “Unlike you, I’m only 24 and have yet to learn how to live with such embarrassment. Could you imagine what would have happened to me if I let him sing that shitty song.” She looked back at the stage and shuddered. “I’d just die!”
Jime rolled her eyes and turned to S. B. “The youth these days. Such pansies.” 



ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

Conversations with Geniuses.

He was human. He was dragon. Both had their perks. Humans had thumbs and Toren learned that there were many things you could do with thumbs, many places you could stick them, and with a simple wiggle shattered another to the core. He loved his thumbs. He had plans for those thumbs.
*I cuts in* Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Stop. Stop…What are you going to do with your thumbs?
*Toren grins cheekly*
Me: Oh. Oh. Ew! You are nasty.  I don’t think I want to write about you using those thumbs to jerk off River’s ass
Toren: WHAT? *Fire blows from nose*
Me: I mean. Really? Not only is he a guy, he’s dragon guy, so you’re going to have male dragon shit on your hands. Ew! I don’t think Witch Suri will let you touch her with those shitty talons
*Toren blows a fireball at her feet*
*Me jumps away and laughs* Behave Big Lizard.
Toren: Big Lizard?
Me: Oh. You don’t know?
Toren: Know what?
Me: So you haven’t heard.
*Impaitent* Heard what?
Me: About the bird. *Sings* Because everybody’s heard that the bird is the word. About the bird bird bird, the bird is the word. *Lmao.* Shitty Talons. I have to include that in the story later. 
Toren: What else are you going to include in this story
*Grins* Trying to find out if River gets his for that snitch speech?
*Toren does his charm boy smile: No.Yes!
Me: Why should I tell you? What’s in it for me.
*Toren thinks for a moment.* Actually, nothing. Nothing is in it for you. 
*Headdesk* You could AT THE VERY LEAST lie to me.
*Toren shrugs* You get a very happy Dragon
Me: I can get a very happy dragon if I write it so…
*Toren puppy dog pout*
Me: Stop before I call the Kennel.
Toren: I’ll just shift to the dragon…
Me: And I’ll kill you off
Toren: And Jime will bring me back
Me: No she won’t. 
*Confident* Yes she will. She’s the one that made me the vampire’s niece’s mate in the first place. You wrote me in as an enemy
*I nod* True…but that doesn’t mean she’ll write you back in once I kill you off.
Toren: I’m immortal. I can’t die-
Me: By normal means, but you’ve forgotten one thing.
Toren: What?
Me: I’m Captain Jack Sparrow. I always manage to get myself out of impossibly difficult situations no matter how tired and cliche they are. savvy. 
*Toren sighs* You…you are something else.
*Blows a kiss* Never forget it, Big Lizard. Or I’ll ship your ass to El Salvador. 
Toren: I don’t want to talk to you anymore
Me: Fine by me
*Three minutes pass*
Toren: Soooo, how’s River going to get his again?
Me: Oh *shoos him away* Nothing much. Just in a little small femal…Oh. Shower time. Later *walks away*
*Toren shoots another fire ball*



ΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩΩ

Additional Scenes.


“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” Suri screamed to the top of her lungs until she had no breath left. She inhaled deeply and let out another scream equally loud and long in duration.
In the back seat of Jack the car, Jime napped. At least until the ear piercing scream jolted her out of her sleep. Fangs out, claws bared, she was ready to kill anyone and everyone who was a threat. Looking around the interior, her vampire eyes allowing her to see through the too dark tint of the windows outside, she spotted not threat in eye sight. “WHAT the fuck are you screaming about?” she asked testily to her niece who sat behind the drivers wheel squirming in her seat hugging her new iphone 4 to her chest. “Avatar…The Legend of Korra,” Suri turned tears of joy filled eyes to her aunt. “It starts in April,” she squealed.
A cartoon. All that noise for a damned cartoon. 
Jime pushed Suri’s head into the steering wheel. 
Head met wheel but Suri was entirely too happy to car about the knot that suddenly formed. 

Omake, Part 1.


It’s Ladies’ Night at the “Et tu, Brute” Karaoke Bar and Grill!

“Can vampires even get drunk?” asked Suri.
“Brrrr, Don’t even joke about that,” Jime rubbed her arms, “It would be horrible if our liquid diet was that limited… I don’t want to think about it… I just wanna have fun tonight.”
“Girls just wanna have fu-un.” Suri sing-songed.
“You know what’s funny? I don’t know if you just sang Cindy Lauper or the new Madonna single.”
“Does it matter? Who cares about old-time divas anyway? Hahahahaha!”
“Bartender! Two Tequila Sunrises!” Jime shouted at the guy behind the bar.
“Coming right up for the gorgeous females.” He winked.
“Oooooo… we’re gonna be best buds by the end of tonight, aren’t we?” Jime said to his retreating back.
A mousy-looking guy comes up on stage and turns on the microphone, “Hello, one two, testing…” There’s the omnipresent feedback noise, “Ahem! Wel- Welcome everyone, we have a special for couples tonight, if you can get your partner to come up here and serenade you, they get one free drink. Mind you, it’s just home-made hard liquor mixed with Tang, that shit can clean your blood-stained sword in 5 minutes fla-” A spirit arrow shot from behind stage knocked him out, leaving a smoking hole on the side door.
 “OoooHoooo!!!” Everyone whooped joyfully at the news.
People mingle and laugh while the techs prep the karaoke stage.
“Here you go.” The bartender gives Jime and Suri their drinks, Jime gulps down hers while Suri sips lady-like.
“First one tonight,” says the mousy guy, looking all burned but in no pain, “This one is for a special lady, from her Jack.”
Jime spurts her drink through her nose, “Oh, no.”
“Oh yes,” chuckles Suri, “There he is in all his punk-rock glory, when did he get all those face piercings?”
“They’re probably fake, it’s always lies with him, lies!”
The song starts.
“Hot Mess” by Cobra Starship.

You were a problem child/ Been grounded your whole life/ So now you runnin' wild
Playin' with them good girls/ No that ain't your style/ You think you're hot shit
And ooh I love it / I love it yeah, yeah
Stumblin' but yeah you still lookin hella fine/ Keep doin' what your doin' and I'ma make you mine
Well you're a hot mess and I'm fallin' for you/ And I'm like hot damn, lemme make you my boo
'Cuz you can shake it, shake it, shake it/ Yeah you know what to do/ You're a hot mess
I'm lovin' it hell yes!

Jack takes off his black leather jacket provocatively, while some of the women gather around the stage and get into his act.

Got me hypnotized/ the city's your play ground/ I watch you take a bite
At 5 a.m. roamin' the streets/ Drunk all night/ You think you're hot shit
And ooh I love it/ I love it yeah yeah
Stumblin' but yeah you still lookin' hella fine/ Keep doin' what your doin' and I'ma make you mine
Well you're a hot mess and I'm fallin' for you/ And I'm like "hot damn, lemme make you my boo
'Cuz you can shake it, shake it, shake it/ Yeah you know what to do/ You're a hot mess
I'm lovin' it hell yes!

“I can’t believe the nerve of that guy, and how in the hell did he know we’d be here tonight?” Jime seethed.
“I will never underestimate his stalking skillz, and neither should you, tia.” Suri sagely commented.

If you're dancin' up on tables you go, you go, you got it girl
Say that you're unstable you go, go go, you got it girl
Dancin' up on tables
Say that your unstable
You're a ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
Yeah you're a hot mess!
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha
We're singing hell yes!

Jack paws his body all sexy-like and the women squeal with excitement, he’s clearly enjoying the attention.
“He sickens me.” Jime continues to seethe with anger.
“I think you’re jealous of the audience is more like it.” Suri chuckles.
“Don’t get so comfortable, look who’s waiting at the side-line for his chance to sing.” Jime points at the line of people to sing. There’s Toren, dressed like a shiny Idol singer.
“Oh, no.”
“Revenge is sweet, but I need another drink.” Jime motions for a refill.

You're a hot mess and I'm falling for you/ And I'm like "hot damn, lemme make you my boo
Cuz' you can shake it, shake it, shake it/ Yeah you know what to do/ You're a hot mess
I'm lovin' it hell yes!
(Hell yes!)/ Hot mess/ I'm lovin' it hell yes!
(Hell yes!)/ Hot mess/ I'm lovin' it hell yes!
Woo- Hoo!

“You know what angers me the most?” Jime asks Suri.
“That he’s using your name to get free booze?”
“No, I can respect that, it’s the fact that he’s actually singing to his True Love, his One and Only, his HEA.”
“The car.” They both said in unison.