Omake, Part 5

It's Ladies' Night at the "Et tu, Brute" Karaoke Bar and Grill!

Jime had too much fun singing up on that stage. Feeling spiteful signed her name on the queue list for karaoke again. A duet with her dear sobrina. Of course she hadn’t told Suri that. She wasn’t stupid. She knew her niece would bark at the thought. It would talk surprise to get her up on that stage. Surprise and lots more alcohol than that one glass she’d been sipping on. A slow grin formed along with a wicked idea of how to get her niece totally wasted. 

“Lets play a game,” she said to Suri when she dropped next to her at the table when another person took the stage.

Wearily, Suri hesitated. “The laughing game.”

“What’s that?”

“Every time I can get Sexy Bartender to flash us with his Colgate smile,” she said it loud enough for him to hear,  “you take a sip of your drink and charm us with a laugh you have to a shot. Every time you can get him to laugh, I drink.” 

“Uh…”

Jime rolled her eyes. “Sometimes I forget that we’re related. You’re so dry and boring.”

“This coming from a person who has technically been ‘dry’ since Jerusalem was seized by the crusaders. Fine. Whatever.”

Sexy Bartender looked over his shoulder at the two with a smile and shook his head. 

“Take your sip,” Suri pointed at the smile.

Jime shrugged and drink that tequila. “And yet I’m still more wet than are.” 

He didn’t turn around, but they heard S.B laugh. Suri frown, Jime pour a shot and handed it to her niece. Mentally counted down from 5 to 1, Suri tossed the shot down her throat, choked, gagged, and died a little. 

Jime patted her back to help clear her lungs. “Slowly. Slowly girl. You’re a noob. Take it a bit at a time. Don’t put it all in your mouth at once.”

S.B laughed again and Suri was forced to take another shot. That didn’t go down smoothly either. Shaking her head like a wet dog, Suri around the bar, already feeling the alcohol take effect. She was such a noob. But a noob with a bag of tricks. “Baahhh!” They sat silent for a moment until she started to laugh to herself.

“What’s funny?” Jime asked. 

“Did I ever tell you about the time one Halloween my professor opened her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. My professor said, "what are you supposed to say sweetheart? "The little girl looks up and says "Twick or Tweat!"
My professor thought that was just too adorable, and she called her husband to come to the door. She said to the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time." Once again the little Angel looked up and said, "Twick or Tweat!"
Her husband agreed the little Angel was just the cutest thing. So she picked an apple from the Treat Bowl, shined it up with her apron, and dropped it into the little girl's Treat Bag.
The little Angel looked in her bag then looks up at my professor and said, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my fucking cookies!"

Over at the bar, S.B laughed loud and long. With a cheeky grin, Suri poured a shot and handed it to her aunt. 

“Okay,” Mousy guy said from the stage, “ the next one is a duet. A family thing. Get ready for our favorite vampire and the little witch.” 

Surprised ripped through Suri, followed by resentment at the little witch part, and disgust at that damn dragon who just blew a kiss her way. “Hey Sexy Bartender. $5 bucks if you take this guy down.”

Mousy flew off stage when another spirit arrow hit him.

Jime turned vamped out eyes at her niece. “I’m starting to like this new angry, drunk you.”

Suri laughed, officially buzzed. “I have a song that’ll make you love me.”

With gleaming eyes, Jime rubbed her hands together, then she and Suri took the stage. The song in mind was more like a tune from a commercial. A car commercial. Suri connected her Iphone to the system and hit the song. Music played for the first minutes and the girls, totally drunk off their asses, danced around the stage laughing until Jime started to sing:

Hey, baby I want that car. 

Hey baby I really want that carrrrr. 

Let’s get that car and go. Wooooooooooooooo. 

WOO! 

Yeah baby, lets get those keys and Gooooo Oh OH Ohhhhhh

WOO!

Suri, still dancing around silly, changed the song. A club banging beat blasted from the speakers making Et Tu Brute: Karaoke Bar and Grill jump off to the music by Lonely Island. 

Ungh, The Greatest Suri, with Jime Vamp! 
The night starts now
Together on the stage, the girls are back
The night starts now
Night starts now they wanna roll with us, boys snapping at the waist when we rollin' up.
Blow through the doors ain't no holdin' up
Black card at the bar like I gives a fuck.
Ladies hating us when we walk into the set, fuck the fellas on the bar play the back and get wet
Three pound in my waist, shank in my sock, you either get cut, get stuffed or get shot. 

THIS IS THE TALE OF DOUCHE BAG JACK JAMMERS, THE DUDE IS SO LAME ON THE SEVEN SEAS
What?
A MYSTICAL QUEST TO THE LAND OF THE LOSERS, PALE LOCKS SWAY ON THE SNOW CAPS
BREEZE.

Suri looked at Jime oddly, but jumped back into the song. 

Yeah that was kinda weird, but we're back in the bar
I kicked the traitors ass so the dragons show no love 

In the corner, despite himself and his need to get revenge against the witch, River laughed. Meanwhile, Jime continued to interrupt the song with lyrics of her own that had nothing to do with anything. 

I BROKE HIS SKII”S
Motherfucking ice-girl, I'm the top gunner
Heater on blast, I'm the number one stunner
JACK SUCKS
Watch it boy I don’t want a "Mr. Nice Guy",
More like the "meet ya take me home and fuck me twice guy"
YEAH YEAH!
All dressed up with nowhere to run,
And now I make you feel crazy with the-
NOW BACK TO THE GOOD PART:
FROM THE DAY HE WAS BORN, HE WAS ALWAYS SO UGLY
Nooo
OLD MAN JACK GIVING THEM WHAT FOR.
HE'S THE JOKER OF THE YEAR
Uh huh
THE BASTARD OF THE LOSERS
Oh God
BUT IN THE TRUNK OF THAT CAR WHAT LIES IN STORE?
Yeah, we've seen the movie

Throw your hands in the air and say hell yeah, come on
JACK JAMMERS
What?
LITTLE DICK
No
From the front to the back say we count stacks come on
STOLE HIS CAR
Nope
HONEY-POO
Wrong
Tia Jime I’m really gonna need you to focus up

ROGER THAT LET ME TRY IT WITH ANOTHER FILM

Wait--

LIFE’S NOT A BOX OF CHOCOLATES AND JACK AIN’T GOT NO NUTS
Not better
THOUGH HE’S THINKS HE’S THE SHARPEST TOOL HE COULDN’T EVEN GET IT UP 
Come on!
OK THEN HE’S A PAIN IN MY ASS, MISOGYNIST IS HIS NAME
Nooo, God
THEN YOU CAN CALL HIM SCARFACE, SNORTIN MOUNTAINS OF COCAINE
Close enough
YOU COCKROACHES WANNA PLAY ROUGH? OKAY, I'M RELOADED

Where that machine gun that was suddenly in Jime’s hands, Suri will never know. And she didn’t even feel bad when Jime shot at Jack, littering the bar with bullet holes. 

THIS IS THE TALE OF THE GREATEST VAMPIRE!
CHILEAN FLAME, WITH THE KEYS TO JACK’S CAR
Take it home!
GONNA CUT OUT HIS TONGUE , IF HE EVER CALLS ME BABY
THIS WHOLE TOWN'S A PUSSY, JUST WAITING TO GET FUCKED!

Suri scratched her head, not sure what to say. “Looks like my aunt really hates you…I think.”

At the bar, S.B clapped.